Each day is a new day, Right? we have the opportunity to make it better then it was yesterday, we have the opportunity to not let the bad crap bleed into the next day…. I feel like that’s all I have been doing, is trying to let crap go and move on, explore this wonderful life we have. I feel as though I am barely staying afloat, I keep grasping for the life jacket but can only grab half of it, keeping the rest of my body in a state of drowning. I know it’s my surrounding that need to change, I know what I need to do but can’t figure out why I can’t take that step, I feel as though I am in a constant battle to just be Happy or so called happy. You know the saying “fake it till you make it” well I am tired of faking it and not making it, I can’t seem to get out of my rut, I can’t seem to muster up the energy to take the bull by the horns and say “Screw this Shit!” I deserve a better life, I deserve to be happy… I feel like a hypocrite sometimes, here I am preaching the choir but not doing it myself…. I hate it.
The struggle is an everyday thing, what sets people apart on how they deal with the struggle and to be able to have that happy life, to be able to have success is how they live their life, if you have negativity and drama in your life you will not be able to deal with the struggles, and that is where I am, I need to remove things from my life, they or should I say “I” am allowing them to take over and that’s not good.
I have some decisions I need to make and I need to make them quick or I will not be able to do the things and accomplish the things I want to in the life I have left. I don’t want to just work and go home, I don’t want to be an ordinary person, I want to be extraordinary, it’s time to set my standards high and dream as big as I can….
I feel as though these last three years I haven’t accomplished anything, I have been going through the motions of life barely surviving…. I don’t know what it will take for me to finally put my foot down, finally be done with it all, to finally say I will not live a life like this!!!!! I deserve better….. but it needs to happen fast, I need to get it figured out.
For now I will make sure my Daughter has the best Wedding Day ever….