I remember the first year without my sweet Brianna. The Sixteenth of every month I would count down the days and hours without her, the first Halloween without her, the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas. I would buy her Christmas gifts, set her place at the table, my heart was shattered. It wasn’t bad enough that she was dead, and then counting the days and holidays without her were torture, I think every parent goes through that?

People tell you to push on through the Holidays to continue what you did before, don’t shelter yourself….. I say Don’t listen to anyone only listen to what your heart tells you.

I tried to do that, I tried to listen to what others said and when I did it put me in a more downward spiral, just thinking of going to a family gathering made my gut ache, knowing I had to “pretend” that everything was ok…

They say time will heal, it will get better…..NO it doesn’t the pain is the same if not stronger, we just get use to the new life of the pain, the sorrow and the loss. No it doesn’t mean we are “Sad” or “crying” everyday, it simply means the pain is still there, our Heart still has a void a hole…… yes our lives have continued, we still go to work, we still function in society, and we still have very happy lives.

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This will be the 7th Christmas my sweet Brianna has spent in Heaven, this will be the 2nd Christmas her Daddy came to join her. 🙁 Yes I will continue to count the Holidays without them, yes I will continue to count the days, months and years they have not shared a breath on earth with us… Yes I will Grieve and miss them the rest of my life. Yes I will celebrate them, honor them and continue their Legacy.

So, “Don’t listen to what they say” I know it’s hard for people to imagine the loss of a Child, I know it hurts, I know they mean well. Do what your heart says, you know your own body, don’t put it in shock for the sake of others. Be gentle, think of your child, and talk about them….

Do what ever is needed for your Child, wrap presents for them, start a new tradition to honor them.

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